EAT PRAY LOVE: I'M FALLING IN LOVE...
I don't know about you but this year feels totally different to me. Maybe it is because I have graduated now and it is the first time in a long time that I am not licking my wounds from the boxing match I had with the dreaded January exams or the fact that I no longer have the ability to skivv at will or because for the first time in a long time I feel in charge of what I do next ... I dunno. But something has definitely changed... I suddenly feel like I'm finally figuring out who I am and leaning to love what it is that I see.
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'L' is for the way you look at me... (Sing with me! This song has been stuck in my head since I started writing this post lol) This year I made a pact with myself to officially date... me. Why? Because I am awesome and deserve to shower myself with love, attention and give my mind, body and soul all kinds of good stuff! This may sound slightly narcissistic but hear me out for a couple of minutes. I have spent most of my time on this weirdly cool planet not being confident in who I am and truly loving bits about myself- my hair; my face; my inability to finish tasks quickly; my arms; my indecisiveness; my feet - oh man, my feet!!; my inability to ever be called a social butterfly (the list was almost endless). And you know what, I was sick of it.
Last December I chose to start treating my body with care properly; focusing mostly on getting my eating habits right and exercising a bit more. I had a few hiccups but I think, overall, I did quite well as it seems I have shed a few kilos - cue my 'never-ever-gonna- be-remotely-sexy' celebratory dance. This month I have decided to start treating my mind and soul with more care by learning to love the woman I see staring back at me when I look in the mirror.
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I have been single for a while (note: my definition of 'a while' most likely differs from yours lol) and whilst that used to bug me (... a lot), I have just realised that it doesn't any more. I am quite enjoying this time of... independence that allows me to freely come to terms with who I am, where I want to be and who I want to become. And I figure if I expect the man of my dreams to find me attractive intellectually, physically and emotionally in spite of my many flaws, the least I can do is truly and wholeheartedly find myself attractive, flaws and all, in the first place. If I don't catch my reflection in the mirror wearing my oldest sweatpants and grey hoodie and go 'Dayyum girl!! How did I exist without knowing you??' - hahaha - why should I expect someone else to think that? If I cannot enjoy my own company or appreciate my humour or accept the fact that I laugh way too loudly...why on earth would I expect others to?
And you know what I have found so far on this lil journey of mine? I am happy being me. There. I said it. I wouldn't have it any other way... I'm not really sure I have the choice to be someone else. I am far too lazy to pretend to be someone I'm not lol. Knowing me, I'd probably forget who I was trying to imitate and revert back to my old self. I guess that is one perk of having terrible memory haha. I know we all have our "dark days" and wills till have those "annoying" bits about ourselves that slowly eats away at us but, I am determined to not allow those days or thoughts consume me like they used to...
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As today that has been set apart from other days and been dubbed 'Valentine's Day' I say we should all take a moment to truly look at ourselves, let go of all the negativity and say "I love me some you, flaws and all"...and mean it! Then tell at least one other person in your life the exact same thing. I know there are some anti-valentines day folks out there but I must admit, it is nice to have a little reminder to appreciate those around us- ourselves included. Life has a funny way of moving at a speed that does not allow you to recognise just how good we have it every minute of the day.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Mo xx
P.S.
Here's the song that I'll be skipping to on my way to work as I swing around lamp posts in the rain looking rather dashing... Wanna join me? ;-)