HELLO AGAIN
So I am just going to jump right in and say, "Hi!", to you all - Hi!! It has been about three weeks since I have published anything on here and that has troubled me somewhat. Though I am sure you all understand that sometimes life has other plans for you that wasn't factored into your plan which means chaos ensues and you are left feeling a bit breathless. That is how I am feeling right now. However, I did not think it right to just disappear without a word to you lovely people out there who read my poorly constructed sentences. So here I am (Hello again!!) finally checking in with you and letting you know where my head is at...
* * * *
For the past couple of months I have had quite the disconnect between me, myself and I. I go about my daily routine - get up, workout, get ready for work, eat, go to work, come home, eat, attempt to write, watch TV, stuff my face with sugary treats, get ready for bed, go to dreamland and then start the cycle again - but I am not wholly present. It's like I am running on autopilot... Yes, that is exactly how it is. I have had this dull, pulsating headache for about a month now which, when coupled with a bunch of other things in my life, has not made me the chirpiest of people. I have been so stressed that I have now found FIVE (that's right, FIVE!!) grey hair strands which completely freaked me out and only stressed me out even more. Hey, Vain Mo has to make an appearance every once in a while okay? Work has been so hectic that I have haven't had the time to fully flesh out all the ideas I have for this blog and other interests of mine. My brain has been so...heavy and cloudy and stormy that I found it rather difficult to write anything I was happy publishing. So I didn't. And that's is how one unpublished post turned into 8 unpublished ones. Ooops.
* * * *
So, where have I been? What have I been up to? Working mostly. For those of you who don't know I am a corrosion engineer. I know, that is exactly what you wanted to be when you grew up haha. I have had the odd weekend where I met up with some old but very dear friends of mine which did yank me out of my funk for a while but I sadly found myself dragged back into the murky world of doubt; specifically the self-doubt continent of that world. We all know by now that comparing oneself with others can be slightly disheartening but it is so easy to do. Every now and then I catch myself comparing my achievements with others in the areas that are of interest to me and then proceed to beat myself up about how far I am from ticking that box. This then causes me to question if I am to be ticking that box in the first place or have the right to which of course opens the door for Self-Deprecating Mo to step up and take the wheel for a bit. Oh what a joy it is to be driven around by her. Though the negatives of this act is quite apparent, it also has one shiny positive - it helps clarify what it is I really want to be/ do/say and identify the things I do not want to give up on just yet.
* * * *
I am not yet fully back to my normal jolly, hopeful self but I am getting there now. I have even caught a bit of the festive season fever. Although, if you were to stop by my house you would seriously doubt that as it is not decorated at all. But(!!) I did finish all my Christmas shopping 2 weeks ago which is a huge achievement for me as normally I am running around a few days before the big day looking for the perfect gift for my family and friends. I am yet to watch a Christmas film but now that I am on holiday I am sure that will all change. I have a feeling I will start with Die Hard... Also, I had a little look at the posts I wrote this time last year only to find this gem and realise 2013 Mo's jeans are indeed now too big for 2014 Mo. Whoop!! I know I could have done better but I glad with the results I have at the moment. I know 2015 Mo is gonna do even better. It's funny, I felt it was about time to try and write something but was afraid I would not find the words to explain what's been going on in my nugget but it seems I did manage it. Whether it all made sense is another question entirely but I will take what I can get. Back in October I told you all that I really want to get to know you better and this is still true. I am in the process of creating a readers survey which I will release next year and would love it if you could take part. I trust that you are all well and having a great week so far.
It is Christmas tomorrow you guys! I hope you all have a splendid festive period with your loved ones and I shall see you soon :)
Love,
Mo x